Male readers might want to skip this one: Yep, it's breastfeeding rant time. Now that baby "Gigi" has discovered what her hands are capable of, she is not content to just sit back and suckle, oh no. Every other feeding is just a feather boa and a folding chair upside the head short of a Wrestling Smackfest. What's a mother to do? Carter's doesn't make straightjackets; I've checked. There is such a thing as "nursing beads" that moms can wear to keep babies' hands occupied benignly at mealtimes: just one more way that we can turn a perfectly natural biological function into a huge academic and commercial exercise.
Gigi hits her three-month mark this weekend. I had hoped to feed her Mommy Juice for at least six months. I really don't want to give it up; I like it (when she's not turning my anatomy into hamburger), and it's good for both of us. I just want to get through this phase without either one of us suffering permanent damage.
I wonder if I could qualify for a small business startup loan. I'll bet there's a huge market for custom homemade straightjackets.