This week has been a bear, but at least work-wise, it's over. The Island takes the day off tomorrow to eat fishcakes on hot cross buns and to fly kites.
I'm pretty sure that if you went back in time 2000 years and explained these customs to the guy from Nazareth, he would scratch his woolly head and say, "What?"
And don't get me started on how we'd explain this to him... TweetJeebus said it best: couldn't they re-enact the whole 'taking care of the sick and feeding the hungry' bits instead?

Things I Have Learned From Living on the Island, Part One:

- in a sufficiently humid environment, even rice in the salt shaker won't help.

- "stainless" steel often isn't.

- there are people in this world who will put spinning rims on a Ford Fiesta.

I am tired. I mean, really tired. Perpetually not focusing on stuff. I don't know whether to attribute this to inadequate sleep, insufficient caffeine, or the fact that I really haven't had a vacation in over a year.

Maternity leave does not count.

Our trip to the mainland in June does not count. Two weeks in a minivan with two kids under the age of three for two family weddings isn't a march through Bataan, but it's not particularly restful either.

Since I returned to work in January 2006, I've endured nine months of morning sickness, an international move, a job change, surgical birth, and my daughter's "Two's". I got three months of maternity leave (six weeks to recover from surgery and six weeks to dread going back to work).

Next week I am supposed to get a few glorious Days Off. Monday morning I'm going in to the office to hand stuff over to my boss, who is at a conference this week but should be back this weekend. Tuesday and Wednesday are leave days. Thursday we get TurkeyFest off because the company is US-owned. Friday we're having the office fumigated, so everyone gets a day off.

That's four days where the kids are in day care and I plan not to be at work. I hardly know what to do with myself.

If my mother were here, we'd be cleaning out closets and moving furniture. Sorry Mom, I'm thinking one day on the housework, max. If the weather is good, beach and books will be involved. A really good haircut is in order too. We shall see.

Of course, the Ineffable One has a sense of humor, and I am also expecting this to come into play with my so-called plans for "vacation". It is because of this that I will not be attending my high school reunion. No, I won't tell you how many years.

And on that note, back to the steaming piles of housework that await. Tomorrow is trash and recycling day. Wish you were here, Mom.

The bike is BAAAAACK!!! The cops called two weeks ago and said they'd found my bike in a church parking lot about five klicks from our house. I tried very hard to sound very cool, but inside was squealing with glee like a five-year-old at Disneyland.
When I got to the police impound lot, I was horrified to see how many remains of stolen bikes there were there. The island is not that freaking big, how many people have bikes? And how many thieving scumbags are on the loose?
So the cops had to keep my baby overnight to do their low-rent CSI routine. The culprits took the seat (whiskey tango foxtrot?) as well as my helmet, cargo box, and rain gear. Oh, and they siphoned out all the gas.
Next steps: Wait another two weeks for repair shops on Island Time. Shop delivers restored bike. Discover keys in bike sitting in driveway. Call up shop and ask them whether they realize that the bike had come their way because it had been stolen out of my driveway.
I have a new cargo box, helmet, and two kryptonite locks. Watch out, world.

For those who have not been tracking my Twittering, I repeat: Some jerk stole my motorbike. Bike, helmet, rain gear and cargo box all gone gone gone. I am furious.

I can hear my mother whooping with joy across four time zones. Don't rub it in.

Insurance says they'll probably take about three weeks to cough up.

You know deep in your soul that you are getting old when you get excited about the fact that you can buy your anti-nausea Drug of Choice over the counter in your adoptive homeland.

Okay, seriously. Ten years ago, when I lived Down Under, I found that you could get Tylenol with Codeine over the counter - you had to ask for it, but you didn't need a scrip. I bought a pack for my big brother, who had TMJ and accompanying epic headaches. In my first and only brush with flouting Customs regs, I slapped a form on the box Declaring that I was sending "non-prescription cold relief" across international boundaries. Got away with it, too. (Statute of limitations, anyone?)

The fact that I even have a favorite anti-nausea medication is enough to, well, make me sick. Fortunately, I can now self-medicate this condition at whim.

Ooops, I read it again. I picked up HP7 again. I've also been plugging away at Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, which I started a month ago. Then two nights ago I watched The Prestige, which has insinuated itself into my dreams, mingling with Potter. I woke up the other morning thinking I had just watched the most horribly lame HP movie ever.
And my husband, bless his heart, is reading The Mists of Avalon (one of my favorite books of all time).
So all of this is to say that I am English-magicked-out at the moment.
As an antidote, I periodically pick up the Mayflower history that my brother sent me for my birthday. It's a paperback, conveniently sized for reading while nursing a wriggly baby. All the other books mentioned above are in hardcover and none is under 600 pages.
I'm also working my butt off at the office - it's high season for tourism, and the Island is abuzz with all sorts of traffic. And all my Islander colleagues ask the same question, "Why call it 'Tourist Season' if we're not allowed to shoot them?"

ARRRRGGGGGGH!!!!!
The four most miserable words in the English language are "SOLD OUT - Pre-Orders Only".

Okay, seriously. I am a reasonable person. I know that there are hundreds of millions of people on this earth in more dire conditions than this. And I complain about closet mildew and the water running out and insects the size of Shetland ponies, but I tell myself that these are blessings compared to the life I could be living.

Then this happens.

I could have had one of these books several hours before the rest of my family. The Island's closest-thing-to-a-metropolis had a street fair launch party, kicking off at midnight London time (i.e. while it's still daylight here Friday night). I wanted to go. But nooooooooooooooooo, I decided I was going to act my age.

I stayed at home, put the kids to bed, cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, took the box fan apart to scrub and soak the mildew off of it, and got a good night's sleep. The next morning, I dropped off a donation at the hospital board's charity shop (is this not good karma, I ask you?!?!?) and went to my morning appointment.

And when I got downtown at 11 a.m. Saturday morning, every book that wasn't spoken for was sold. Gone. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Bupkes.

Who runs the bookstores on this lump of rock anyway?

I even saw people on the street walking around with their copies, and only refrained from jumping them because they had the kids with them.

So I suppose I can only blame myself for not having the presence of mind to pre-order the thing, for expecting that there would be copies aplenty of the most anticipated book of the year, and not adapting my mindset sufficiently to Island Mode.

And I should get a grip on myself, because it is just a book - and one written for people one-third my age - and I will get a copy eventually.

But I am compelled to maintain my media blackout for at least another week. And the last two e-mails that my mom sent me had "Harry Potter" in the title, so I don't dare click on them. (Sorry Mom, better call me if it's important.)

And I repeat, anyone who spoils this book for me meets a nasty fate: I will lock you in the water tank under my house. You will either drown, die of thirst, or be devoured by something with six legs and no conscience. All are warned.

Happy Birthday to Me! I took the afternoon off work yesterday to take in a matinee of the new Harry Potter movie, because I am not really almost 40, I'm two thirteen-year-olds and a twelve-year-old.
This is the theatre where we went to see "The Departed" last fall, and the film broke about ten minutes before the end. So this place is just full of bad karma, but when there are four theatres on the entire island you can't be picky.
So of course it makes perfect sense that my skiving buzz got killed when we went to pick up Gigi from school, and her teacher said, "We've been trying to call you since 3:00; she has a fever, we've sent four other kids home today with temperatures."
None of this surprises me, of course, because the last time I swore I was taking a "mental health" day off, both kids got sick. I suppose this time the only reason Halley got off lucky was that I spent the first half of the day at work.

Vacation, gotta get away...
People ask, "where do you go for vacation if you live on The Island?"
Well, so far, I haven't. We've been here just shy of a year, during which we've moved in, lived through two hurricanes, had a baby, taken a painfully short maternity leave, and waged asymmetrical warfare against the resident insect life. My husband left The Island for all of 48 hours for a funeral two months ago.
So now we're taking a trip. I won't call it a vacation. We're flying to New England, where we will go to the woods to live deliberately with my in-laws -- including my husband's Euro-grandparents, with whom I do not share a common language. They seem to like me well enough; but last time we visited them, I broke one of Oma's plates; and when they visited us in the Baltics, Oma broke her clavicle. If we get through a visit together on neutral territory with nothing fractured, I will consider it a big win.
Anyway, at the end of this week, Gigi plays flower girl at Uncle Mikey's wedding. Then we'll make a trek down the coast. I used to love road trips, before they involved minivans and a matching set of preschoolers. This is undiscovered country: here be dragons. Or freakish purple dinosaurs. If only one of us drives, the other one can drink, right?
We'll stop at various midAtlantic points, until we reach the next wedding, my cousin's.
I remember this cousin as a baby. I held him up to my grandmother's apartment door and taught him how the locks worked. The kid could probably wipe the walls with me at chess by age five. He's now approaching the quarter-century mark and will probably be lending Bill Gates money before he's forty. (At the very least, he could kick his @$$ at bridge.) I say this out of admiration, not jealousy. I can not begrudge him his good fortune in avoiding our common ancestry's disastrous math genes.
But I digress. I'm going to be doing that a lot over the next ten days.
And I probably won't have regular access to the internet. See that whole "live deliberately" bit above.
So by the time we get back to The Island, I will probably need a vacation desperately. And I'll be back to square one, where people say to me, "Oh sure, you need a vacation - Duh! You live on The Island!!!"
Oh fate, how you mock me.

Mixed News about The Boy The good news is that they are pretty sure it's viral, not bacterial. The bad news is that they don't want to send him home yet. One more night in the hospital, whimper. I miss my baby.
Last night I stayed up way too late, playing with the new feature you see in the upper right hand corner of my page: Twitter! Between the lack of sleep and facing another day with my baby in the hospital, I was pretty useless at the office today. I am resolved to get to bed at a decent hour tonight. Which is looking less and less likely, the more time I bugger around on Blogger, I suppose.
Yeah, the whole "thinking clearly" thing just isn't working for me. The only thing keeping me out of bed right now is the certain knowledge that I will have an even harder time getting out of bed tomorrow if I have to face a ginormous pile of dishes first thing in the morning. Ugh.
My husband is enjoying a well-earned night out, his first in weeks. His primary social outlet - a floating poker tournament - has been shut down while Powers That Be try to figure out whether it violates local gaming laws. Fortunately, he has alternatives. All work at home and no play outside the home makes Dear Husband a tad stir crazy.